Playing with Paradox
I married my soulmate last October. We’re celebrating our anniversary every day of the month to honor the first year of our marriage. In our culture, the concept of soulmates, weddings and anniversaries bring warm fuzzy feelings. When I tell old friends about marrying my soulmate, they cheer me on. So many people who attended our ceremony last year continue to speak of the beauty of that event and sent anniversary greetings our way.
The reality of being in a committed relationship with someone I feel spiritually linked with has a lot more depth beyond the pomp and circumstance of ceremony and Hallmark greetings. A healthy marriage involves deep healing, and that work is not shiny or pretty. At the SOAR conference at Asilomar in August, Rev. CC Coltrain spoke of how brutal the healing process can look and feel.
No one ever said that the healing process is painless. Many of us do our best to avoid it. Some people are attracted to the Science of Mind/New Thought/Religious Science to learn effective practices to manage their pain. But the reality is that pain is unavoidable. Its presence illuminates the parts of ourselves that need healing. Pain is a built-in function of our bodies to alert us of their areas that need tending.
In our life experiences, the people around us serve as a mirror to reflect what needs healing. As a married couple, my wife and I lean on each other as we participate in our individual healing journeys. However, we both understand the necessity of prioritizing our own mental health to be in a position to support the other. Because of that, one of us may not be emotionally available to provide the support that the other is seeking. Thankfully, we also have other healthy habits: outside prayer partners, meditation, journaling, and other forms of spiritual practice that support our individual mental health when we’re not available to be supportive to each other.
Written on paper, this may sound like a healthy marriage. Sometimes, in practice, it may not look that way. Healing isn’t easy. That’s the paradox of making healthy choices. I recently started a practice of running a few mornings a week. Sometimes, I feel triumphant. Other times, I’m tired, hot and frustrated for not running as far or as fast as I would have liked. But the fact that I remain committed to my practice is what’s important, not how fast or far I run. The same is true of my marriage. Our commitment to love ourselves and each other the way we both deserve is an ongoing work in progress that will unfold over the rest of our lives.
This month, the Centers for Spiritual Living theme is “Playing With Paradox”. As I celebrate my marriage every day this month, I’m inviting this theme into those experiences. Playing with paradox helps us both see the difficult moments as an important part of our individual healing journeys. I invite you to join your spiritual community in finding ways to play with paradox in your own lives!
Elle & KC Taylor: 10/02/2022
